How to win a custody battle

Let me start by saying a custody battle should be avoided at all means. It is not good for your children or your relationship as parents. However, in some cases, it is necessary and I want you to have access to some information that took me months to research.

First, let me tell you a little about my situation. I am a young man in my early twenties. I have lived with my significant other, Jessica, and her 5 year old daughter for the past three years. About two years ago I received a call from an old acquaintance informing me that I may be the father of her 2 year old daughter. One week later, after privately ordering a paternity test, I find out I have a 2 year old of my own. It also turns out that they have since moved, and my daughter is now living 3 hours away from my home. Rather than acting irrationally, as most people would in this situation, I immediately began researching custody cases, read books on custody disputes, and took an active stance in my daughters life. By doing this, I established one year of quality time with my daughter which is turning out to make a huge difference in our current trial which was spurred by a holiday dispute last year. I have been in the court system for almost a year and am discovering that I have done a lot of the right things and am in turn going to get to spend more time with my daughter. I am a strong, successful young man and this situation has broken me down and turned me upside down despite all of the advice,preparation, and stability Jessica and I have had since day one. If I can help one single Dad or Mother get through their situation, I will feel I have done my part.

Key things to know before a trial takes place

1) Don't wait until there is a case to start preparing - It is imperative to start keeping a journal early. Keep track of activities you have done with your children, the parenting schedule, your childrens behavior, the parents behavior, and key quotes from the other parent. Once you both know the case is going to court, it will be less likely to gather useful information from either parent as you will both begin to be very careful. Don't think of this as deceiving, rather as a free insurance policy to see your kid on a consistent fair basis.  I want you to be prepared with as many specific instances, emails, and information as you can be at all times. ( It is easy to take 2 minutes to write down what you did with your child over the weekend on Sunday night, but much tougher to recall details 2 years later)

2) Always take the high road - Single parents will never see eye to eye on every issue. It is important to realize that anything that is done, said, or written can be used in a trial. This is not only important to know to protect yourself, but is important to start gather sound bytes early in the relationship. Anytime the other parent comments on "your good parenting skills", "how much your child misses you", "how much fun they had when they were with you" etc. Document it. Try to capture it on email if you can.  I am not saying you need to be a pushover and agree to everything the other parent wants, but always remember anything said by you or her/ him can determine the amount of time you get to spend with your child. Also the more prepared you are determines the relationship you will get to have with your child.

3) Know what trials are based on- Judges are trained to look at a couple determining factors which decide custody cases. Knowing these factors prior to the case, can help you work towards obtaining evidence and focusing on what is important. Below are the top 10 factors a judge must consider when making a decision on custody.

1. Primary Caretaker-- Who is currently caring for the child
2. Established Residence-- Where do you live and what type of environment do you provide
3. Logistics-- Work Schedule, Driving accommodations, Daycare Accommodations
4. Remarriage-- Who else do you have that can provide stability for the child
5. Relationships-- Are the parents introducing multiple, inappropriate partners to the child
6. Drinking & Drugs-- Do either parents have a substance abuse problem
7. Abuse-- Is the child being abused
8. Work & Income-- What is your current job (industry, pay, hours, vacation, flexibility)
9. School-- What education does the parent have and what schooling will you provide your child
10. Mental Health Professional-- Does either parent have mental health issues.

Hopefully, for the child's sake, you will not have to deal with factors 6,7, or 10. However, depending on the extent of the issues, they could be the deciding factor in the case. #1 is absolutely the biggest factor a judge will look at, which is why establishing a generous parenting schedule prior to going to court will give you a leg up. If you go in to court with little to no history of spending time with your child, the likelihood of that remaining the same is likely.

I hope this is somewhat helpful, and depending on the response I get, I have many more hours of advice and stories I would be happy to share. Good Luck to everyone and remember you are not alone!